Forgiveness

It seems like there are some lessons that we will never stop learning. Just when you think you finally understand something, God throws a curve ball at you.

I thought that I knew what forgiveness was. After all, I've apologized to people all my life and had them forgive me, and I had done the same for others. Countless times someone would say something or do something, and I would tell them "It's okay. I forgive you." Life would just continue as before.

Isn't that what forgiveness is all about? Apparently not.

A couple weeks ago I realized something. I realized that someone I had always considered to be a friend didn't really act as if we were friends. Sure, we would both say that we were very good friends, but as I took some time to consider our friendship, I could tell that this person didn't really care about it. They didn't treat me with respect and had often used our friendship to serve their own purposes. Half the time they were just self-absorbed. But the worst part was feeling like the person considered me to be a second-class citizen. While I had often felt that before, I would always write it off as that person just having a bad day. Any time the person was insensitive (to the point of being cold), or just treated me like a jerk, I just kept telling myself that I needed to forgive and forget. The person was just having problems. They didn't mean it. Things would turn around. (As I read over this paragraph, it doesn't begin to describe what hurt I felt, so if you think I'm being overly dramatic, you'll just have to trust me).

Obviously since I'm writing about this, things didn't turn around. And one evening I found myself shocked at what I had believed and how I had let someone treat me. The shock quickly melted away into anger. I was furious. People talk about seeing red, and I was as close as I have ever come to that point. Hell may have no fury like a woman scorned, but the second worst thing is a hurt friend. Eventually as I calmed down over the course of a few days, there was a little voice that told me I needed to forgive this person.

Sometimes I really hate that voice.

I decided to explain to God why I couldn't possibly forgive that person. Sure, I'd try hard to not treat them poorly, but I couldn't just forgive them. After all, they didn't realize that they had wronged me. They would probably never know how much they hurt me. So why bother forgiving someone who doesn't know they did anything wrong?

"Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."" (Luke 23:34)

Forgiveness is not just forgiving the people who we can forgive. It's forgiving the people who will never know what it took to forgive them.

What my friend did to me is similar to what we all do to God. We enter into a relationship with Him, and things seem to be great. Then we stop caring. We still say that we're in a relationship with Him, but we spend less and less time together. We go off and have fun with others, while we break His heart. And we don't even realize how much pain we're giving Him. But He still forgives us.

"We are most like beasts when we kill. We are most like men when we judge. We are most like God when we forgive."

Book #5 - "Mansfield Park"

This morning I finished "Mansfield Park" by Jane Austen. I made it halfway through on Sunday and by this morning I only had 50 pages left. One of the quickest reads I've ever had for a book of this size.

In my opinion, "Mansfield Park" is Jane Austen at her finest. The characters are wonderfully created, and the feelings that she stirs in the reader towards each one of them is so very realistic. You can't truly hate any of them. Yes, there are a few which might offend or upset you, but I still found myself being somewhat understanding as to why they did what they did. And instead of wishing evil upon any of them, you wish that they would see the errors of their ways and improve.

The heroine, Fanny Price is completely lovable. She's not perfect, but her situation garners sympathy. The cast of characters that surround her- Sir Thomas, Aunt Norris, Lady Bertram, Edmund, The Crawfords, William - are not only colorful but realistic. Since it is a Jane Austen novel, there are various romantic developments, but Fanny's affections seem to take a much more natural course than many of Austen's other characters. Furthermore, while it may seem clear at first which way the various marriages will lead, Austen does an excellent job of causing the reader to believe otherwise, then gives a sudden (and hilarious) curve ball, which nicely wraps up the novel as one might expect.

This gives me an updated ranking of my favorite Jane Austen works:
#1 Mansfield Park
#2 Sense and Sensibility
#3 Emma
#4 Pride and Prejudice
#5 Persuasion

I still need to read "Northanger Abbey", but that may not come until close to the end of the summer.

Prayer

I hate asking people to pray for me.

I know that seems bizarre, but I really do. When I was little, I could always come up with something during prayer request time in Sunday School, but back then, we all did because we thought we had to. We spent many Sundays praying for the Yankees. It didn't seem to help.

As I've gotten older, I developed this idea that I shouldn't ask people to pray for me. I have no idea where that idea came from. It became fully ingrained into my way of thinking, to the point where I felt guilty if I asked someone to pray for me. I felt like it was almost a spiritual form of whining. What right do I have to ask people to pray for me? My problems aren't nearly as bad as Person A, B or C, so I'm being utterly selfish by asking someone else to pray for me.

That started to change when I went to college. I learned that it was, in fact, okay for one Christian to ask another to pray for specific needs. I'll admit, I practically became infatuated with the idea of everyone lifting each other up in prayer. It was so great to know that I could go to others with my needs, large or small, and to know that I wouldn't receive judgment for asking for help. Even more than that, I felt like I could actually do something for people by praying for them. It seemed like such a great idea - since everyone is praying for each other, we can all ask each other for prayer, and no one needs to feel guilty that he or she is "hogging" all the prayer time.

But then something happened. Something changed this year, and I'm not quite sure what it was. Perhaps people consider me to be less trustworthy. Perhaps every one's problems were miraculously solved. Whatever the cause, people stopped asking for prayer. Sure, they would complain about everything from A to Z, but after describing some sort of pain, annoyance or difficult situation, very few people would ever say "So yeah, I'd really appreciate some prayer about that". Maybe it's just part of a "Christian culture" that everyone assumes that if they complain about something, others will interpret that as a prayer request. But that seems like a silly assumption to me. And since no one else seemed to be asking for prayer, every time I asked someone to pray for me, I began to feel guilty again. I kept going to my friends, asking if there was anything I could do for them, or pray about for them, and more times than not, they'd smile and say that no, they couldn't think of anything.

And we wonder why folks call the Church fake.

When Jesus wasn't working, He was praying. And He wasn't afraid to ask people to pray with Him - even though the disciples fell asleep, Jesus still kept asking them to pray.

Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. James 5:13-16, NIV (emphasis added)

I'd like to offer a two-part challenge: go ask someone to pray for you, even if it's simply an "unspoken" request. Then, ask someone how you can pray for them. We can't help each other too much.

Book #4 - "Jane Austen Ruined My Life"

Book #4 - "Jane Austen Ruined My Life" by Beth Pattillo

I will admit, I was a little weary when I first picked up the book. There are so many books that try to use Jane Austen as a means of inspiration (and a way to sell copies), so I didn't want to get my hopes up. But this was fantastic! A young Jane Austen scholar's life is ruined when she discovers her husband had an affair, and she blames Jane Austen for teaching her to believe in happy endings. She gets invited to London to meet with a mysterious old lady who claims to have knowledge of the whereabouts of various missing letters by Jane Austen. She decides to meet this woman, and see if she can use these letters to her advantage. She also runs into a former best friend (male, of course), and goes through a series of tasks, learning more about the true Jane Austen, and changing her perspective on romance and happy endings - but not in the way that you'd expect!

The great thing about this book is that it does take time to teach you about Jane Austen - using actual facts. And the other clearly lets you know exactly what was made up at the end of the book. The characters are very believable. And the ending is pleasant, but unexpected. Best of all, the author didn't try to recreate Jane Austen's style (which always seems so forced) and can really get you thinking about what you actually want out of life. I couldn't put it down!

His Eye is on the Sparrow

I can be very stubborn.

This is not inherently a bad thing, and I would defend myself by saying that I have "selective stubbornness". I am stubborn when I want to be.

Yesterday I learned an important about stubbornness.

Mondays are generally not a great day for anyone. It's the beginning of the week, everyone wishes that they could sleep in, and when the weather is nice, it just makes things even worse. When I first woke up yesterday, I was tempted to just go back to bed. I was exhausted, and did not have any plans for the day. Instead, I decided to get up and try to do something. Not the wisest decision on my part. I could barely get moving, and when I did finally get set for the day, I walked out of the house...and locked myself out. At that point, I was tired, had a headache, was furious at myself for making such a stupid mistake, and then had to walk to my mom's work to get a key because we don't hide a spare anyplace. This, of course, did not help my mood.

By dinnertime, I still wasn't overly happy. We went out to dinner, and as we were sitting in Friendly's, a bird flew into the window. For those who might not know this about me, I really hate to see animals get hurt or be killed. I can't watch movies with animals in them because I'm too afraid that something will happen to the animals. I still cry when Mufasa dies in "The Lion King". To try to eat dinner while watching a bird struggle to recover from running into the window was asking a lot out of me. And it was not like what you see in videos - he didn't just sit up and fly away. It took the bird about 15 minutes to recover. I'm sure most people would have laughed at it, but I was horrified as I watched it struggle to stand up. But eventually the bird did manage to walk away, just fine.

During the course of dinner, I was talking to my parents about my concerns over my summer job. I'm giving music lessons, and it can be harder to try to get new students, especially when there's a major arts center in town. Finally, my mom asked me if I had talked to God about it.

Oops.

In my stubbornness, I had tried to figure out every possible way of getting new students. I was close to the point of throwing my hands up in the air and giving up. I love to teach, but I was pretty sure this wasn't worth it. But I hadn't bothered to bring it up to God. I don't know exactly why - perhaps I felt I could do it on my own, maybe I took it for granted that He'd help, I'm not sure. For whatever reason, I had avoided going to the best resource I had.

This morning, my mom left me a note before she went to work. She said "I was reminded of the song "His eye is on the sparrow, and He watches over me. Remember the bird yesterday?"

If God cares enough to make sure that birds recover after running into glass, He cares enough to help His children when they've run themselves into a brick wall. Just remember that no matter what you're facing, even if it seems completely insignificant, God does want you to bring it to Him.

All I can think of is VeggieTales: "God made you special and He loves you very much!"

Mayterm Review

This year, I did not spend Mayterm tromping around Europe. I spent three weeks at a nearby high school and elementary school observing and learning from two teachers. It was an interesting experience, really stretching. I drove back to college one night a week to discuss the experience with 6 other students and our professor. And we took one field trip to two inner city schools to observe what it was like to teach under very different circumstances. At the end I had to write up a report on my experiences. Rather than write an entire blog entry separately, I'll just post my report (which was limited to 2 pages). I've taken out the names of the teachers I observed. If you're simply dying to know who they were and where I observed, please feel free to ask.



During the course of my Mayterm observation experience, I learned much about the world of music education in our schools. There are many responsibilities and challenges facing music educators today. Music educators are not only responsible for introducing students to the world of music and increasing their knowledge of the subject area. As educators, they are responsible for the safety of students whenever they are with them during school or at other events. This can be a challenge when there are close to 100 students in one band or chorus. At one point during my observations, a student had to be suspended because he did not report directly to band afterschool and instead went to his daycare, and neither the classroom teacher nor the band director knew where he was. Communication between music educators and administrative staff can also be a challenge at times. If an administrator was not part of a music program as a child, they may not understand the importance of the program to the school, which puts the program at risk when budget cuts are necessary. When parents express concerns about the program, it is helpful to have the support of administrators support the program. Another challenge involving music educators is in creating continuity between various grade levels in the program. Differing teaching philosophies amongst educators, and an unwillingness to reach a compromise, ultimately stunts the students’ musical growth as well as the growth of the overall program.

There are many different skills and qualities needed in order to become an effective music educator. Patience is needed when dealing with students, teachers, administrators, parents and community members. Being flexible is also important, in order to deal with unexpected situations. Creativity is also needed to find solutions to problems that may not have been discussed in college. High school band directors especially need to be able to multitask and have enough stamina to last through before and after school rehearsals and evening music activities. Music educators also need to learn how to do basic and common repairs on instruments, especially school owned instruments, in order to help cut down on costs and so that students will have instruments to practice instead of waiting a week for them to come back from the repair shop. Music educators also need to be able to manage their time effectively and have good communication skills, both written and oral.

School music instruction is very important for the overall education of children. Students who participate in music programs tend to do better in their other studies. Music allows a different means for expressing oneself. It also teaches valuable life skills, such as team skills (there are no people on the bench in music), responsibility, commitment, and time management skills. And with various leadership positions, especially in marching band, students have the opportunity to gain important leadership skills. Music can also be used to enhance what the students are learning in other subject areas, especially through the use of comprehensive music education units. One method for expressing to administrators the importance of music education is to create a day where they can actually be given lessons on instruments, sit in a general music class and work on a piece as a choir. This helps them to better understand the skills needed to perform in a band or chorus, as well as the breadth of material covered in a general music class. This idea can also be used to create an open house for parents.

Mrs. _____ had several different comprehensive music education units that she used with her young bands. One unit was used each year and it typically involved the band, chorus and at least one other class, such as art. For the Big Band Unit, the students performed music by Gershwin and Glenn Miller in band and chorus. They also studied the major artists of that period. They completed listening logs and other projects as they learned about the history of the composers and artists. For the final concert they created a radio show that included interviews with the composers and artists in between performances of the music. Mrs. _____ also had similar units that focused on Classical Composers, Program Music and World Music. In this way, she integrated other subjects (other units integrated geography, science and language arts), helping meet content standards numbers eight and nine of the national standards for arts education. Mrs. _____ also developed an assessment method which involved video taping the students twice a year and having them complete rubrics and reflection statements on each video. At the end of each year the students would look back at the videos from previous years. This method of assessment will soon be added to the curriculum for Middle School and High School students. The idea of comprehensive music education was not observable at the high school level, and it would be beneficial to also use it with those students.

There were many effective teaching methods in use. Mrs. _____ used a checklist to help remind her students of proper “Musician Position”, “Embouchure” and “Air Support”. She also had them set goals for each half of the school year and referred to those goals in each lesson. By constantly reinforcing the proper basics of musicianship, she was creating a solid foundation for the students. Her emphasis on self-reflection helped to develop the student’s early cognitive abilities and aided them in taking ownership of their instrument. In lesson situations, Mr. _____ would take time to break things down into smaller chunks, making them less overwhelming for the student to process. He also gave a balanced amount of positive and negative remarks to help encourage the growth of musicianship in the students. There were also approaches that clearly were not working. Since students in the Wind Ensemble were not graded on lesson attendance, none of them came to lessons, which hurts the overall musicianship of the music program. It also creates resentment from the students in the Concert Band who are still required to attend lessons. While Marching Band is optional in the Fall, in the Spring the students are required to attend two parades, but those who did not participate in the Fall vigorously protest having to be involved and some even worked to undermine the performance. It is now being proposed that only the students who choose to do Marching Band will have to attend competitions, football games and parades. There also were no effective means of getting the students’ attention during marching band rehearsals, both indoor and outdoor, indicating a lack of respect for the director.

This experience has expanded my understanding of what it means to be a music educator. This course did make me question my choice to be a music educator. When I observed the challenges and difficulties of not having enough money in the budget, or facing staff reductions and the amount of stress that puts on a director, I began to doubt whether or not I could handle those challenges. I also observed what happened in an area where music was not generally supported by the public or the administration, and the challenge of working with students who had little respect for the subject or the director. I was unsure as to whether or not I could ever teach under those circumstances, and if I should reconsider what I was doing. But as I talked with the teachers, I learned that the rewards of the job far outweigh these challenges. As I watched the younger students get excited about music, both in band and lessons, I learned that while a music educator may not receive public accolades, knowing that you have been able to ignite a passion for what you love in a student is worth everything.

"What to Listen for in Music" (Book #3)

Book #3 - "What to Listen for in Music" by Aaron Copland

This is a fantastic book! And I'm not just saying that because I'm a Music Ed major! This is a relatively short, easy-to-understand read for anyone who is looking to get more out of a concert experience. Copland was one of the best American composers, and he approaches this book as a composer who wants to help the layman understand what he should listen to in a musical piece. He first tackles the different sections of music (melody, rhythm, harmony, form), then gives introductory discussions on various styles. He does it all without using difficult terminology and helps the reader understand the importance of being an active, rather than a passive listener. I know I have trouble paying attention during concerts, and this book has given me some new insights on how to get more out of the experience (and hopefully not fall asleep!)

"Plato and a Platypus Walk Into A Bar" (Book #2)

The second book of the summer reading list (which wasn't on the original list, but it was on sale at Barnes and Noble) was "Plato and a Platypus Walk Into A Bar" by by Thomas Cathcart and Daniel Klein. It's a hilarious book written by two philosophy majors who attempt to explain all of the complex ideas in philosophy using - jokes! While it might not cover every aspect of philosophy, it certainly covers everything we learned in 3M (Metaphysics, Morality and Mind - basically Philosophy 101 at college), and a bit more. There's always a little introduction to an idea before at least one or more jokes that show what the idea is all about. I have to admit, I now understand some of the concepts better than I did after a whole semester! Before you run out and buy it, I would caution that it's sprinkled with less than appropriate jokes throughout, so that's something to consider before purchasing.

"Emma" by Jane Austen (Book #1)

"Emma" by Jane Austen was the first book that I finished this summer. I have to admit, it took me longer to finish than a normal Jane Austen book because, well, Emma Woodhouse is rather annoying at first. She's a wealthy, comfortable daughter of an established family. Her mother is dead, her sister Isabella has married and moved to London, and her governess Miss Taylor marries a man and lives nearby. Her father is practically an invalid and Emma has resolved to never marry, because she never wants to leave him alone. What follows is a few poor matchmaking jobs, rejected proposals, and finally everyone falls in love and marries the people they are supposed to marry. All in all, a wonderful story!

I've read three other works by Jane Austen (Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, Persuasion), and while I love them all, Emma has easily come in the #2 favorite spot (right behind Sense and Sensibility). While Emma Woodhouse is an annoying character at first, her dedication to her family and her good intentions in (almost) everything that she does makes her rather endearing. And the colorful collection of characters that surround her are always amusing.