Escaping to the Woods

It has been such a beautiful day, I felt called to take a walk to the woods. I just wanted to be out there, away from here. Not that here is a bad place, but I had to go. The walk to get there always seems so long. My pace quickened as I got closer, knowing what would await me. When I made it to the main trail, I paused. The sound of my feet on the leaves. I was breaking the beautiful silence. I felt that I was an intruder in this world of beauty. The colors. Green. Yellow. Orange. Black. Gray. I continued on. I felt the woods slowly envelope me. I was surrounded by nothing, but wrapped in everything. In my head, I began to go back. The smell of fall, playing outside of my Grandma's house. The sounds of the leaves beneath my feet, back to the time when I would meander back from school because I had no other obligations. The trail and woods before me, when my family would go camping and my dad and I would explore old and new trails on the four-wheeler. I was filled with such a longing. Ignorance is bliss, they say, and that enlightenment is the goal of life. Is it? Is it really better to have your heart broken each day? The solitude called me on. I was away, away from everything. There was no one shouting at me, no obligations calling to me, no thoughts invading me. I could feel. I simply felt. Listening to my heart. It poured out. There are no words to describe what it was. Longing. Melancholy. Happiness. Confusion. Joy. Everything. I did not want to leave. If I could only stay there. I was simply myself. No pressures. No expectations. I was not responsible for another person. I wanted to simply stay and collapse. I started listening to the second half of the Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe soundtrack. If you are a fan of CS Lewis, or a fan of the soundtrack, just imagine. The solitude. The music. The healing. I knew I had to return. My inner struggles could not simply stay in the woods. I was called back. The music. CS Lewis. I am not a theologian. I am not a spiritual leader. My struggles are not the great glorious ones of the faith. I am battling myself each day. Why? The past was so much easier. My enemies were clear. The solutions were easily seen. "It is hard for you, little one. But things never happen the same way twice". Oh Aslan. "And I was so pleased at finding you again. And I thought you'd let me stay. And I thought you'd come roaring in and frighten all the enemies away – like last time. And now everything is going to be horrid". But I am a lioness.
I descended back to campus. The first sight that hit me was a Kuhl campaign sign. The Paine Science Center. The Luckey Building. People playing ultimate Frisbee. Little children, running and playing. Laughing. Shouting. I was back. I was renewed.