Reading List

Ah yes. Summer is almost here, so I must post my "Summer Reading List 2009". Instead of the various categories I've done before, I'm going to make this a rather pragmatic reading list. PLEASE leave comments with further reading suggestions!

What I Will Actually Attempt To Read This Summer:

I'm attempting to do a themed summer, with the theme being "C.S. Lewis". My goal is to read as many of his major works that I haven't read already. These are not in any particular order (so if you have suggestions as to which ones to start with, please leave them!)

-The Problem of Pain (I've already begun reading this)
-The Great Divorce
-Till We Have Faces
-The Four Loves
-Miracles
-The Abolition of Man
-Surprised by Joy
-The Space Trilogy


Books That I Have Started Reading and Need To Finish:

-The Great Restoration - Meic Pearse
-Searching for God Knows What - Donald Miller
-The Double - Jose Saramago
-Musicophilia - Oliver Sacks
-The Rest is Noise - Alex Ross
-The Seuss, The Whole Seuss and Nothing But The Seuss - Charles D Coben
-What To Listen for in Music - Aaron Copland
-David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
-Gone with the Wind - Margaret Mitchell
-I Never Metaphor I Didn't Like -Mardy Grothe


The Rest of the List (or, Books That I Still [Shamefully] Need to Read)

Part One: Books That Are Lonely On My Bookshelf
-Julius Caesar - William Shakespeare
-Split Ends - Kristin Billerbeck
-Silas Marner - George Eliot
-Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
-C.S. Lewis - Sam Wellman
-The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and other stories - Robert Louis Stevenson
-Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
-Roots - Alex Haley
-Wives and Daughters - Elizabeth Gaske

Part Two: EMW Leftovers
-The Divine Comedy - Dante
-Confessions - St. Augustine
-The Age of Reason - Meic Pearse

Part Three: Books I Just Need To Read
-Pilgrim's Progress - Bunyan
-Escape from Reason -Francis Schaeffer
-Amusing Ourselves to Death - Neil Postman
-The Jesus I Never Knew - Philip Yancey
-Institutes of the Christian Religion- Calvin
-The Prince -Machiavelli
-The Brothers Karamazov - Dostoevsky
-Faust - Goethe

And Can It Be?

Last night at the 3rd New Bible Study we discussed Christ's death, and the full impact and significance of it. Okay, we didn't manage to full discuss it, but we did touch on a few topics.



One of the biggest questions that we are faced with is "Why did Jesus have to die?" The answer to that question ends up seeming rather obvious after over a decade of Sunday School. Jesus died so that our sins could be forgiven. But somehow I don't feel like that does it justice. In one of my classes we discussed Calvinism recently, and one of the main points of Calvinism is the total depravity of men - we are all so hopelessly wicked and sinful that we cannot possibly even hope of saving ourselves. While I'm not sure exactly what I think about Calvinism or the Reformed movement, it is a rather serious point. And I have been convinced more and more over the past few weeks of how hopeless my state is without Christ. I keep finding myself falling at His feet, begging for mercy. The phrase that keeps coming to mind is "Kyrie eleison, Christe eleison" (Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy).



In his book "Jesus No Equal", Barry St. Clair puts it this way :

"A tremendous gap stands between God and us, between His holiness and our selfishness. If we could see that holiness and absolute purity of God, we would understand how sinful we are and the difficulty involved in bridging the gap. We would understand why it's impossible for us to bridge the gap on our own.

The Old Testament prophet Isaiah saw in a vision a glimpse of God sitting on His throne in heaven. Just a glimpse was all Isaiah needed to realize how single he was. 'Woe to me!' he cried, 'I am ruined!' (Isaiah 6:5)



When Simon Peter realized that Jesus was God's Son, he said almost the same thing: 'Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!' (Luke 5:8)"





We are sinners, without hope of saving ourselves, and we are the ones who Christ died for. But to think that the Son of God would subject Himself to such torture and agony on our behalf - it just blows my mind! I can hardly comprehend it.



Here's what C.S. Lewis has to say about it:



"We believe that the death of Christ is just that point in history at which something absolutely unimaginable from outside shows through into our own world. And if we cannot picture even the atoms of which our own world is built, of course we are not going to be able to picture this. Indeed, if we found that we could fully understand it, that very fact would show it was not what it professes to be--the inconceivable, the uncreated, the thing from beyond nature, striking down into nature like lightning. You may ask what good it will be to us if we do not understand it. But that is easily answered. A man can eat his dinner without understanding exactly how food nourishes him. A man can accept what Christ has done without knowing how it works: indeed, he certainly would not know how it works until he has accepted it." (Mere Christianity)



That is a great comfort to me. As any of my friends will tell you, I can discuss philosophical questions and whatnot - but only up to a certain point. When you reach that point, I say to myself "What is the use of it all? We're not actually going to figure anything out". So the mere fact that I don't have to fully understand Christ's death is a great reminder.



But while we don't have to fully understand it, I think we do need to take time to fully appreciate it. So often when we go through our own trials and sufferings we sit through a church service and listen to the pastor say "Jesus Himself was tempted, He suffered, He lived on this earth, He knows what you are going through" and silently tune him out. We think to ourselves "Jesus was the Son of God! He could put up with all of that stuff because he was God! It was not nearly as hard for Him as it is for me!" Okay, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but I'm sure almost everyone has had those thoughts at one point or another.



To once again borrow an explanation from C.S. Lewis:



"I have heard some people complain that if Jesus was God as well as man, then His sufferings and death lose all value in their eyes, 'because it must have been so easy for Him'. Other may (very rightly) rebuke the in gratitude and ungraciousness of this objection; what staggers me is the misunderstanding it betrays. In one sense,, of course, those who make it are right. They have even understated their own case. The perfect submission, the perfect suffering, the perfect death were not only easier to Jesus because He was God, but were possible only because He was God. But surely that is a very odd reason for not accepting them? The teacher is able to form the letters for the child because the teacher is grown-up and knows how to write. That, of course, makes it easier for the teacher and only because it is easier for him can he help the child. If it rejected him because 'it's easy for grown-ups' and waited to learn writing from another child who could not write itself (and so have no 'unfair' advantage), it would not get on very quickly. If I am drowning in a rapid river, a man who still has one foot on the bank may give me a hand which saves my life. Ought I to shout back (between my gasps) 'Not, it's not fair! You have an advantage! You're keeping one food on the bank'? That advantage--call it 'unfair' if you like--is the only reason why he can be of any use to me. To what will you look for help if you will not to that which is stronger than yourself?" (Mere Christianity)



There is one part of Christ's suffering that never ceases to amaze me. And that is the moment of God-forsakenness.



"What was the struggle, exactly? Fear of pain and death? Of course. Jesus no more relished the prospects than you or I do. But there was more at work as well; a new experience for Jesus that can only be called God-forsakenness. At its core Gethsemane depicts, after all, the story of an unanswered prayer. The cup of suffering was not removed" - Philip Yancey



"The might of the world, the most sophisticated religious system of its time allied with the most powerful political empire, arrays itself against a solitary figure, the only perfect man who has ever lived. Though he is mocked by the power..the Gospels give the strong, ironic sense that he himself is overseeing the whole, long process...Now, as death nears. he calls the shots" - Philip Yancey



"I have marveled at, and sometimes openly questioned, the self-restraint God has shown throughout history, allowing the Genghis Khans, and the Hitlers and the Stalins to have their way. But nothing-nothing-compares to the self-restraint shown that dark Friday in Jerusalem." - Philip Yancey



For me, that moment on the Cross is one of the most powerful moments in the Passion story. Jesus had lived the life of a human, and now, He more fully took on His humanity. After an eternity spent with His Father, always having His presence, He felt the pain of separation that we have suffered under since the Fall. How incredible is that?



.
And can it be that I should gain

An interest in the Savior's blood?

Died He for me, who caused His pain

For me, who Him to death pursued?



Amazing love! How can it be,

That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?


Amazing love! How can it be,T

hat Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?


'Tis mystery all: th'Immortal dies:

Who can explore His strange design?

In vain the firstborn seraph tries

To sound the depths of love divine.



'Tis mercy all! Let earth adore,

Let angel minds inquire no more.


He left His Father's throne above

So free, so infinite His grace

Emptied Himself of all but love,

And bled for Adam's helpless race:



'Tis mercy all, immense and free,

For O my God, it found out me!

Still the small inward voice I hear,

That whispers all my sins forgiven;

Still the atoning blood is near,

That quenched the wrath of hostile Heaven.



I feel the life His wounds impart;

I feel the Savior in my heart.

No condemnation now I read;

Jesus, and all in Him, is mine;

Alive in Him, my living Head,

And clothed in righteousness divine,



Bold I approach th'eternal throne,

And claim the crown, through Christ my own.
Refrain

Work - Jars of Clay

"Work"

Just in case,
I will leave my things packed
So I can run away
I cannot trust these voices

I don't have a line of prospects
that can give some kind of peace
There is nothing left to cling to
that can bring me sweet release

I have no fear of drowning
It's the breathing that's taking all this work

Do you know what I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"?
What I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"

Empty spaces
with shadows hit by streetlights
Warnings signs and weight
of tired conversations

In the absence of a shoulder,
in the abscess of a thief
On the brink of this destruction,
on the eve of bittersweet

Now all the demons look like prophets
and I'm living out
Every word they speak,
every word they speak

Do you know what I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"?
What I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"
What I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"

Do you know what I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"?
What I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"
What I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"
Alone, alone, I don't want to be alone

I have no fear of drowning
It's the breathing that's taking all this work

Baking - Some Thoughts

Baking has become a rather controversial issue of late, and it will be my attempt to give an introductory look at baking from an incredibly biased point of view. I must emphasis the point that these are my opinions and that I will not be taking the time to try to find actual sources to back me up.

One common misconception is that baking is the same as cooking. It is not! Just because you can cook does not mean you can bake. I can't explain why that is. I know plenty of people who can cook, but they simply can't bake. And I also know people who can bake who can't cook - it works both ways. In both areas you're basically following a recipe, but often times it's the unwritten rules that make the difference in how something turns out. So until someone has actually tried to bake something, don't assume that you can bake. And I will be the first to admit that I am a skeptic about anyone's baking ability until I have actually had something that they've made.

At this point, I'd like to take a moment to extol the virtues of baking (and many can also be applied to cooking). Baking can be a very fun, relaxing process. It requires time and effort, and while the results aren't instantaneous, they do come faster than many things in the universe. It also allows you to eat something that was not made in the school cafeteria (which is always enjoyable). Furthermore, it is a most excellent way to show your consideration for someone else. The gift of a baked good is one of the best (remember this guys: flowers, chocolate and baked goods. The key to making anything right). And if you use your talent enough, everyone will want to be your friend. Which really makes you feel loved.

Moving on.

A Guide to Baking

When you first decide that you want to bake, several things must be taken into consideration. One thing would be time. Depending on what you want to do, you want to have a couple of hours free to do the baking. Another is supplies. What you make depends on what you have (or what you can get). An easy solution is to find a friend you happens to have baking supplies, and then to beg nicely to borrow them. Be prepared to have to give over part of your creation, and that you'll have to wash the dishes afterwards (preferably without breaking them or getting them rusty). There's a price for everything. Always double check the recipe to make sure you have everything. For some of the most basic needs, there's a little convenient store within walking distance of the campus, and if there are greater needs, a quick car ride can be made to Jubilee. All of this must be taken into account in advance - planning ahead is good!

So what should you make? Probably the most common thing that can easily be made by a college student is a brownie mix. All that requires is the boxed mix, oil, water and eggs. Always delicious and easy. Slightly more challenging would be cookies. They come in all shapes, varieties and levels of complexity. Another step up from that would be a cookie cake (or a double layered one if you're really ambitious...or a half-and-half double layered one for someone's birthday if you're just that good...). Of course I've been ignoring the most obvious question - what about cakes? I'm the first to admit that I haven't made a cake since I've come to college, so I wouldn't be sure as to how difficult that would be. I stick to experimenting with cookies. I have a variety of recipes if anyone needs one. And the nice thing about cookies is that you can keep a portion for yourself (presuming that you're planning on giving them to some friends) without your friends ever having to know. And it's really easy to make huge batches of cookies, which is extremely helpful if you know you have to give some to your RA, the girls in the lounge who can smell them cooking, the girls who drop in, the friends who claim to "help" you by licking the bowl, the guys who won't let you visit unless you bring them something to eat...and then there's usually a few left over for yourself.

Another thing which is almost a necessity is good music. There's no point spending a few hours in a kitchen unless you've got your laptop with some music to blast. Remember - you can't leave if you've got something in the oven. It's also handy to have one of your friends on speed dial to grab stuff out of your room that you've forgotten that you needed.

So let's say that you're making chocolate chip cookies. You're going to need some Crisco shortening (don't even think about getting the non-name brand stuff), light brown sugar, milk, vanilla extract, an egg, flour, salt, baking soda, chocolate chips (and anything else you want to throw in). Again, unless you're in the habit of baking frequently, you might want to see if there's someone who has vanilla extract that you can borrow rather than buying a whole bottle yourself. Beyond that, you're going to need a mixing bowl, an electric mixer (unless you're crazy enough to try to do it by hand), a stirring spoon (you will have to stir in the chocolate chips by hand), measuring cups/spoons, spatula, something to get the cookies off the sheet, baking sheets, cooling racks, and oven mitts (or something comparable so you don't burn yourself).

As you can see, deciding to even bake something simply like chocolate chips is not something you can do on a whim. While you don't have to be an expert, it will require a couple hours the first time you try to do it (especially if it's the first time you're doing it by yourself). Another good hint: have someone in mind that you can call if you have questions when you're in the middle of it all (mothers are great for that, and other friends who know how to bake).

Now some may argue that I am taking a far too serious look at this, and that I'm making it out to be much harder than it actually is. Baking gets easier each time you make something, and eventually it becomes quite easy and second nature to you. I was brought up helping my grandmother on her day long baking exploits, so it's much more natural for me. My point isn't that it's incredibly hard, just that it's not something to be taken lightly.

Another question has come up in the past few days as to the abilities of guys to bake compared to girls. This is a rather sticky area. It really varies person to person. There are some girls who can't bake at all, and some guys that are really terrific. But in my experience, girls are generally better than guys. Sorry guys! While you spent your time running outside and scraping your knee, the girls who helped their moms in the kitchen were getting the upper hand in this race. That's not to say that you can't make a comeback. The mere fact that a guy will take time to bake is quite impressive, especially if he does it as a surprise (or as an answer to challenge...either way).

But as I said earlier, I reserve judgement on anyone's baking abilities until I've actually had something they've made, and I applaud the effort of anyone who tries to bake something.

Stay Strong - Newsboys

You're in the moment now
A bitter root
A wandering eye and then
The ties that bind start wearing thin, thin

You're in the moment now
When all you've been blessed with
Is not enough
Here's where the ground gets loose
Here's where the devils call your bluff

Stay strong
You are not lost
Come on and fix your eyes ahead
There's a new dawn to light our day, our day
You've gotta stay strong
You and I run
For the prize that lies ahead
We've come too far to lose our way, our way

We've seen the tragic flaws
The tortured souls
The saints with feet of clay
Here's where sin becomes cliche'

We've come through wilderness and watched
The cloud by day
The burning sky into dawn
Have you forgotten who you are?
Did you forget whose trip you're on?

Stay strong
You are not lost
Come on and fix your eyes ahead
There's a new dawn to light our day, our day
We've gotta stay strong
You and I run
For the prize that lies ahead
We've come too far to lose our way, our way

Get up, there's further to go
Get up, there's more to be done
Get up, this witness is sure
Get up, this race can be won
This race can be won

We've gotta stay strong
You are not lost
Come on and fix your eyes ahead
Our Father's dawn will light our day, our day
Come on and stay strong
His grip is sure
And His patience still endures
There'll be no letting go today, no way

Come on, and stay strong
You and I run
For the prize that lies ahead
We've come too far to lose our way, our way

I Believe

There are some moments that make you believe. Then there are moments that make you believe you believe.

When first arriving at college, I was so excited to be challenged. I was ready to have my horizons widened, and ready to learn much more about my faith. I couldn't wait to start that exploration. I quickly discovered that I wouldn't be learning as much from my professors as I would from my peers. That's not to say that my professors weren't excellent examples of faith, or that I learned nothing from them - I certainly did. But they didn't challenge me as much as my peers. I had grown up in what I considered to be a fairly conservative town, went to the same Baptist church for most of my life, and I had what I thought to be an average set of beliefs of the Christian faith. I was shocked when my friends and I started to get into discussions of our faith. While we shared many common beliefs that are basic tenets of the Christian faith, there were innumerable differences.

Looking back, I realize that this shouldn't have surprised me nearly as much as it did. The variety among denominations may not be widely seen in my home town, but it clearly evident at my dinner table at school. After the initial surprise, I took in each and every conversation, making mental notes, carefully trying to remember what exactly each person said, how that tied into their other beliefs, and what Scriptural evidence they had.

Then something happened. I'm not sure when exactly, but I froze. I didn't know it then, but I began to lose my belief. Not my belief in the Christian God, but belief in myself. The views that others expressed were so different that at times it was hard to believe we were still talking about the same God. So I preceded to doubt myself, thinking that somewhere along the line my spiritual training failed, and that I knew very little that I was supposed to know. This lead me on a seemingly endless search to try to get it all sorted out intellectually, and it took all of first semester. Coming to the end of the semester, I had more questions than answers, and resigned myself to the fact that perhaps I just wouldn't be sure unless I was able to find the time to read all the great works of the faith and do a serious independent study. Which wouldn't be very likely to happen, being a music major and all. So I'd have to be content with learning from various discussions and slowly wading through the questions. After all, I felt like I was starting over from scratch.

Over break, there were a combination of moments over the course of a few days that left me somewhat puzzled, but in the best way possible. I felt like God was showing me something, but something I just couldn't quite make out. But the feeling was incredible. All I can describe it is "Ah! So that's what You meant". I felt an incredible peace about the past semester, and unbelievable joy and excitement for the future. Things which had grown old and mundane, almost painful, during the previous semester were given new life. I saw my passions reignited. I was floored. And those moments which opened my eyes in and of themselves may not have seemed like anything, but together they were so powerful.

I was sure that when I returned to school that this feeling wouldn't last - it was a feeling after all. But even when I get tired, stressed and confused, I can't shake it. It's more than a fleeting feeling. I can scarcely hope, but I do pray, that I am learning true joy. That I'm learning to find something good and great that God does each day in my life.

I believe.

Probably the most powerful thing that has happened has been an assurance of faith. I didn't get Him wrong. I'm not spiritually lost or confused. The turmoil of the first semester has only strengthened my faith. If anything, I'm learning to articulate these beliefs of mine. All this, while at the same time learning from the other points of view. And realizing that within the differences lie that commonalities.

But even more than that, I'm discovering myself again. It's okay for me to be who I really am, because those friends who truly care will still be my friends. I can be all silly and giddy as I want to over an incredible musical experience, or something that happens in my lesson or rehearsal, because those who truly care will at least smile and nod, and some will even go further to rejoice with me as I rejoice. We all have diverse interests, and I am by far one of the most conflicted when it comes to my areas of interest (both the open and hidden intellectual passions), but that's simply the joy that comes with being in college.

So if I seem to change over the next few weeks, it's not because I'm really changing. It's because I'm returning to myself. It feels so good to be back.

-KT

PS - I realize my overly vagueness when it comes to this post. I would love to share my experiences and discoveries in detail with anyone who wants to listen.

Hymns for the New Year

Great is Thy Faithfulness - Thomas Chishom

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my father!
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not:
As thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.

Great is Thy faithfulness, Great is Thy faithfulness,
Morning by morning new mercies I see:
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!

Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above,
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth.
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide,
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

Alas! And Did My Savior Bleed - Issac Watts

Alas! and did my Savior bleed,
and did my Sovereign die!
Would he devote that sacred
head for sinners such as I?

Was it for crimes that I have done,
he groaned upon the tree?
Amazing pity! Grace unknown!
And love beyond degree!

Well might the sun in darkness hide,
and shut its glories in,
when God, the mighty maker,
died for his own creature's sin.

Thus might I hide my blushing face
while his dear cross appears;
dissolve my heart in thankfulness,
and melt mine eyes to tears.

But drops of tears can ne'er repay
the debt of love I owe.
Here, Lord, I give myself away;
'tis all that I can do.